On Tuesday night, a group of brave bwoggers ventured where no CU student had gone before: the recently opened Beer Hall, Bernheim & Schwartz. Warning: choices not suitable for a Tuesday were made.
Bernheim & Schwartz (aka the place where Havana Central used to be) doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. However, the possibilities for“Weekend At Bernie’s” references are nearly endless, and for that we are grateful.
Inside, Bernie’s is spacious and well lit. Decorated like the lovechild of a dive bar and a repurposed olde timey apothecary, the bar area has a perfect hip-without-really-trying vibe. A classier alternative to 1020 this might prove. There are plenty of tables and a nice back room, which would be great for Senior Night *hint hint.* Less great for Senior Night? The fact that Bernheim & Schwartz closes at 12:30 on Wednesdays and at 1 am on the weekends. You gotta make those hours count.
The back section of Bernie’s, left open during the era of Havana, has been divided into a closed-off Beer Hall and a room with picnic-style seating; “for weekends,” says our waitress as she gamely answers our questions and waits for us to order. We sit at a high-top table and discuss 1) how none of our feet can touch the ground and the situation is about to get unstable pretty fast and 2) what good foresight they had to put purse-hooks under the table. It’s the simple things.
DRINK ONE: Time to figure out what “Beer Hall” really entails. We ignore fancier menu items such as “sashimi tuna tacos” and “beef filet mignon sandwiches” and order a round of beer and buffalo chicken wings. Our waitress explains that Bernie’s only serves their own house-brews from Brooklyn, which impresses us despite the fact that this is to be expected from a place that trades on beer. Beer comes in small, medium, and large and, starting at $6, is fairly reasonably priced. The cocktails, on the other hand, are roughly a million dollars per drink (on average around $13). Admittedly, they have nice ingredients but are still less than CU friendly. I started with a beer called “Orange Blossom Light,” which was sweet, delicious, and well-worth $6. A Bwogger noted that her beer was a little sweet for her tastes, but she’s Austrian so that’s up in the air.
DRINK TWO: Although they don’t have a ton of options for beer, Bernie’s seems to be going to quality over quantity. One Bwogger proclaims that “it wouldn’t actually be that hard to try all these beers in one night.” Was that a challenge? Just then, our chicken wings arrive, looking quite classy on a bed of microgreens. Served at a temperature of roughly 10,000 degrees, the wings burn the shit out of my tongue almost immediately. I keep eating anyway. They are pretty amazing.
DRINK THREE: The kitchen closes at 10PM, so we hang onto our wings like good ol fashioned horders. I try a beer that’s darker, but it still fairly sweet. What’s with the sweet beer? It’s delicious! I never drink on a Tuesday! Who goes out on a Tuesday? Who am I? This is so fun!
DRINK FOUR: This crowd is so young and well dressed. What is this, a convention for young professionals and hipsters? As I am neither, I take a moment to reflect. Also, why are these bar stools so damn high I feel like I’m just dangling in space??
DRINK FIVE: This place reminds me of Daniel Radcliffe like what’s that movie he’s in where he’s gay it reminds me of that. It’s like the Madewell of bars, you know what I mean? Everyone is so cute and in a sweater. What’s this place called again I have no idea I’m going to just call this place the west end. It doesn’t matter.
BATHROOM REVIEW: bathrooms are ok there’s a random pole in the middle but I’m fine.
DRINK SIX: Woah we just went into the beer hall and its like a whole other bar inside the bar! It smells likelumber. A + grade, would go here for semiornight everyy night!!!!
** at this point the staff of Bwog retired to 1020. On a Tuesday.
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